Lifestyle and Leisure
French Neighbours? No problem
Yes, the Joneses are challenging neighbours, but soon you may have the Petits, Durands, Gerards and Blancs to contend with instead
Paul Beasley asked Brits who've adapted to life in France how French neighbours like their Rosbifs
It really isn't that long ago that the Sun was yelling "Up yours, Delors!" from the top of its front page. Yes, Britain had once again asserted its independence from the rest of Europe – and our southern neighbours, France, in particular. But our apparent animosity towards the French goes back further than that – much further, in fact. In the early years of the 18th century, when the idea of a Great Britain was first floated, many prominent writers suggested that a British – or at the very least English – identity is achieved by not being French. So, without the French to look down on, the newly minted Briton might have had a far greater struggle to define itself – and its John Bull character – so clearly. Indeed, when writing his Dictionary of the English Language – which really doubles as a manual on how to be English, Samuel Johnson had the model of the French dictionary to aim at.
What Johnson didn't have, though, was the resources of the French Academy, instead beavering away in a pokey London garret with several "harmless drudges", as he called them, in an attempt to solidify the English language. Not that the good Doctor saw the marked difference in human resources as a drawback, mind you. Instead, it was something to be proud of. When reminded that it had taken 40 French academics 40 years to produce their dictionary, Johnson replied: "Forty times forty is sixteen hundred. As three to sixteen hundred, so is the proportion of an Englishman to a Frenchman."
How times have changed, even since the Sun suggested Jacques Delors file his European ideas somewhere not especially comfortable. Nowadays, us Brits are not only buying up French property at an increasing rate – 51,000 properties purchased since 2000 – more of us want to follow in the footsteps of the 100,000 Brits who now live permanently on the other side of the Channel. And this is by no means the end of the affair, if the results of a recent ICM survey are anything to go by: Twenty-two per cent of those under 50 years of age surveyed said they'd rather forget all about their British status and become French instead, and 37 per cent claimed to want to retire to l'Hexagone.
The only part of France to have lost out in our affections is the wine, apparently, with American plonk now glugged in slightly greater quantities here than the vin. So what does this outbreak of Francophilia mean for the British buyer of French property? That you can simply snap up a cheeky Breton home, barrel into your new neighbourhood and assume that the neighbours will be falling over themselves to make friends with you? Oh no, there's a little more to it than that. After all, this is a country that can be up in arms at the drop of a beret. Take, for example, Les Rosbifs – as we are sometimes affectionately known, sometimes not – buying so many French properties that in some areas house prices have rocketed straight through the spending ceiling of your average Frenchman.
No wonder, you might think, that there's the odd outbreak of protest against the ever-advancing tide of Brits washing into France.
Just two years ago, in Bourbriac, Brittany, slogans such as 'Anglais integers, oui. Colons, non!' (English who integrate, yes. Colonisation, no!) were daubed on buildings as locals vented their spleen at the house invaders from across the Channel. So, as with every aspect of buying French property, there's a right way and a wrong way to approach the art of getting on with one's French neighbours. But what is the right way to go about this, and when should you start?
Start as you mean to go on
With their layer upon layer of local character, it's easy to fall in love with a French property, but how you get on with your neighbours matters as much as your new pigeonnier or oeils de boeuf. In other words, buying the property is one thing, but what happens after the ink has dried on the contract is another thing completely – and both are equally important if you are to realise your French property dreams.
This is certainly the view of Normandy property agent and resident Phillipa Weitz: "Everyone impresses upon us the importance of getting on with the neighbours, and they are right. I know personally when I bought my house that I did nothing other than to think, in a rather tunnel-visioned way, about buying the house but the day the house is bought you step off a precipice into a new world." So what advice does Weitz have for those thinking of following in her footsteps? "In my house-selling role I try to encourage people to think before buying about the specific area they want to be in and to start to make friends and acquaintances immediately. Best of all, before signing any paperwork, try and meet the neighbours to make sure they are not the neighbours from hell. As body language is the same in both languages, you'll know soon enough if you are welcome, or not."
When you have completed the purchase, you obviously don't want your first contact with your new neighbours to involve them shaking their fist at you because your renovation works have had a potentially catastrophic affect on their home. This is exactly what happened to Alex Charles of Crème-de-Languedoc. Charles bought a ruin in the Languedoc village of Cessenon and wrote a note to all his immediate neighbours telling them about the works that would be carried out apologising for any inconvenience caused.
As part of the renovations, an internal wall had to be removed and surrounding walls lowered. Planning permission had been granted and an architect had been employed. "I had assumed that the architect that had drawn up the plans had at least considered the consequences of this work", says Charles, "but I was soon to learn that you never assume anything!" Initially, Charles recalls, the work went well and the roof was soon removed along with the internal wall, but the next morning he was awoken by one of the builders "banging on the door to inform me that 'the neighbour's house was falling down!'" Charles rushed to the site, to find a huge crack in the balcony of the neighbour's house, owned by a Monsieur Rousseau – who Charles had not yet met. But the crack wasn't all: "You could actually hear the mortar falling like sand out of the wall. Stones were literally falling out of the wall." At this point, a "somewhat agitated" M Rousseau appeared at the balcony. "Now my French was not great at the time – but I got the general gist of what he was shouting", Charles recalls all too clearly. Thankfully, though, disaster was averted, and the wall not only remained standing but ended up far more secure than before. And what of the initially shaky relations between Charles and his agitated neighbour? "Relations have since improved and we have become good neighbours – he has even brought us gifts of his homemade eau-de-vie."
Despite the happy ending, unsurprisingly Charles doesn't "recommend that you meet your neighbours in this way". So whether you have walls to knock down or bridges to build, best start the process of integration before you swing the sledgehammer in earnest. Says Weitz, "It is important as soon as you arrive to take conscious measures to become part of the community. In this way you will show the other members of your neighbourhood that you are interested in them and want to be friends." She continues, "Often we Brits buy in country areas, and traditionally country folk are more traditional, so that's another barrier to overcome. Some will speak some English, others none at all."
But, then again, you might not speak any French, so how you structure that all-important first meeting could be crucial? In this situation, Weitz suggests, there are many things you can do to overcome the embarrassing and awkward moments: "Think about who you are going to invite and how you are going to structure the evening. It drives me nuts always having to translate, but I know having someone there who can translate makes a huge difference to the beginnings of those friendships."
Even though she advocates learning French as soon as possible, Weitz also suggests that non-verbal interaction could also be invaluable. "Instead of just inviting people for a drink and then being at a loss as to what to say, why not find a game to play? Dominos is popular, and Triominos (you can buy it in Leclerc), or the card game belotte or even darts, boules or skittles – anything that is a bit non-verbal that people can enjoy without feeling threatened."
A little French goes a long way
No matter how well your games night goes, there will come a time when genuine integration into your French community will require more than being able to count from un to dix. If your grasp of the French language has to overcome slippery beginnings, don't let that stop you says former Fontainebleau resident Elizabeth Jordan of Homes in Real France: "The French never seem to mind how badly one speaks, as long as an effort is made, and it is surprising how many people seem to think that this is not necessary." In fact, as Vendée resident Sandie Marshall explains, speaking French badly might actually be an icebreaker. "Don't be afraid to at least attempt to communicate. We took dictionaries everywhere we went in the beginning, and along with hand signals and raucous laughter, our neighbours were delighted to correct our mistakes."
If you're really lucky, your new French neighbours might even beat you to the local bookshop. "My neighbour Thierry used to live about six miles away and some English people, Pamela and Reg, moved in nearby not long afterwards", recalls Weitz. "They introduced themselves and Thierry, bless his cotton socks, went straight out and bought a French–English dictionary and put it on the table the next time they met – although he is a French farmer who can hardly read!" But you reap what you sow, so when Thierry had no water to milk his cows with he used the water from Pamela and Reg's house, which really cemented the new arrivals' place in the community.
Says Weitz, "buying a house to integration is simply a human story of welcome and effort on both sides – and the developing of a combined history together." But in developing this history, it's essential you put that classic English reserve – not to say downright suspicion of 'foreigners' – to one side and stow your cultural baggage for good. "The French very often do have a genuine interest in their neighbours, and it is a pity if this is written off as mere 'nosiness'", comments Jordan. "The cases are numerous, in my experience, where French neighbours are delighted to 'keep an eye' on their British neighbour's properties while they are away, and instances of little kindnesses are common – in fact, a frequent comment is 'how are they ever going to eat all the produce that is so kindly brought from neighbours' gardens'!" Weitz adds, "Something to bear in mind is that culturally the French are very different from us and sometimes have quite different values to us. To mention a positive, the French are incredibly polite and full of old-world courtesy, for example always shaking hands on meeting, even at doctor's appointments – and saying 'Bonjour messieurs, dames' to everyone in the waiting room or the bakery. Those of us who have settled in and adapted now cringe when we see British holidaymakers complaining loudly and behaving in a loutish manner."
Live locally, think locally
Even if you avoid the common mistakes of the British holidaymaker, you could run the risk of going too far in the other direction, keep yourself to yourself and in no time at all you'll feel isolated in your new surroundings. In this respect, it's important to reach out and tap into the community spirit that many Brits ultimately discover is available in copious quantities.
Weitz recommends that you "Go to your local Mairie and ask what local clubs and associations there are – you will find everything from gym clubs, swimming, to patchwork on offer. If you don't find what you like locally go to the canton Mairie as they will have fuller lists and will know what's going on in the whole area. Find out if there are local Anglo-French associations, learn French – but try not to join a club or class of English people as all you will do is reinforce knowing English people. If you are remotely religious then the churches are a ready made and welcoming community."
But you don't have to look purely at what the community can do for you; you could also ask what you can do for it – and get involved in voluntary work. "There are local charities crying out for help – these include Restos du Coeur , Secours Catholique , Telethon – all of whom do a fantastic service and are desperate for more helpers", Weitz adds.
Beyond unpaid work, though, one of the major reasons why hostility towards Brits is not increasing in line with the number of houses we own there is that after a property purchase comes fixtures and fittings, furniture, food… and if you buy from local – French – suppliers the local economy will benefit from your arrival. Says Marshall, whose role as the Vendée Granny involves helping Brits buy in the area, "Most of my clients have moved here permanently and therefore are more readily 'accepted' if they are seen to make the effort to blend in and obvious things like using local shops, thus putting money into their communes."
Not to say that you absolutely have to use local services. Jordan explains that a little DIY won't necessarily be frowned upon – as long as you're not bussing in British workers to help you out. "If the owners do it themselves, it goes down much better in the area than bringing in a lot of English builders, as that is regarded as taking away jobs from the French." Jordan adds, "If it is realised that the new arrivals have a real respect and affection for France, and do not sweep in arrogantly and expect everything to be done their way and on their terms, the British have good reason to hope for a very happy life in that country."
"As is the case anywhere in the world", concludes Weitz, "you get back what you give – and I promise you it is worth it". Just make sure you toast your new French friends and neighbours with a bottle of local wine, not – heaven forbid – that Californian filth, or you might have a little more than a petit problem on your hands.
For further information:
PWT Normandy Life
Creme-de-Languedoc
Homes in Real France
Sandie Marshall, Vendée Granny
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